something_incredible | (no subject)

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lucy

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These aren't decisions Hopper has come to lightly, they're the sorts of things that have kept him up at all hours for weeks now, but in the end, he thinks he's doing the right thing sort of all across the board. It's a weird feeling, given how often he's been prone to doing the wrong thing in the past, but he's trying to be better. He's been trying since Will went missing and he realized just how messed up Hawkins really was.

But the right decisions or not, he still wants to talk to Lucy about them. He's not looking for approval, but she's easily the smartest person in Darrow he knows. Maybe she'll be biased one way or the other, knowing both him and Beverly, but he's still pretty sure he can count on her for an honest reaction, which is something he desperately needs. It used to be that Diane was his sounding board and in the years after their divorce, he'd floundered. Lost his way. He's a man who does better when he's able to talk something out.

So he'd called Lucy up, asked her to come over for dinner.

Then he'd realized he'd have to make dinner and after trying to work out what the hell he was capable of cooking besides spaghetti, which had a tendency to be messy and might not be the best thing to eat with the woman he's still trying to impress, he'd called out for Thai food. He hasn't had Thai food since he'd lived in New York and even the very idea of it brings back good memories. Hawkins had been a shit town with almost nothing to offer and the longer he spends in Darrow, the more he realizes he'd missed being in a bigger city.

He'd still rather be there, be with Eleven, but as far as places go, this one's turning out not to be so bad.

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The idea of being a role model for anyone makes him feel like squirming a little, so he pauses to take a drink of his wine before answering any of what Lucy has said. He had known asking her opinion on this might open him up to having to receive compliments, it's just he'd thought they'd be about being a cop, which he has no problem admitting he's good at.

He's not as good at taking care of kids. He'd lost Sara, after all, and had put Eleven in so much danger.

"It's what I'm good at," he says. "Being a cop. And they're not gonna let me take her in without some kind of stable job and source of income, so I thought... do what I know, right?"

"Do what you know," Lucy says with a nod. "If it's something you want and something that makes you happy, you should do it. And it sounds like something you want for both yourself and Beverly."

So, she thinks he should do it. He should absolutely do it because he deserves to have some constancy and some contentment.

"Go for it," she says simply.

"So all that... you think it's a good plan?"

Hopper already feels pretty sure of himself. Beverly needs someone better to stay than where she is now, there's weird shit going on there, and the thought of leaving her in a place where blood comes out of the showers makes him feel sick. But getting her into his place requires a certain level of security, he gets that. There's not a hell of a lot more secure than a cop.

Still, he's gun-shy when it comes to kids. He's fucked it up before. It'd be nice to have that secondary voice of approval for what he's got planned.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Lucy asks him, shaking her head. He can understand that these changes are big, one more than the other, but they're good changes. They're good. They're giving Hopper a chance to be the father that Lucy can sense he wants to be and it gives him a job that he's good at and will give him a good purpose here.

"Have you thought up any reasons why that aren't just some personal fears that you'll do this wrong?" Lucy wonders. "Because everyone makes mistakes. You just fix them if that happens."

One daughter died. The other he can't really protect, not only because he's in Darrow. It's hard not to see himself as a failure in that regard, as someone who maybe shouldn't be put in charge of taking care of children. It's not logical, he understands that, but he still feels like a black hole at times, something that sucks people in and only spits them out once they're broken and used up in ways he never meant to have happen.

"Reasons beyond personal fears?" he asks with a crooked smile, an expression that isn't quite a smile at all. "No. But sometimes those are enough, aren't they?"

They are in his case. A second opinion helps. Especially a second opinion of someone like Lucy, someone he likes and respects.

"They are but, in this case, they're also easy to overcome by talking about them," Lucy tells him easily. "And I think that's what we've done. We've talked about them and it's clear that you want both of these things more than you're nervous."

He's going to doubt and he's going to worry and there were will be mistakes but more than that, there's going to be successes and happiness and contentment.

"I don't want to tell you that this is what you want but I can see that this is what you want," she tells him, smiling. "You'll be fine."

"See? This is why I invited you over," Hopper says with a crooked smile before he lifts his hand and cups the back of Lucy's head, pulling her toward him for a kiss. She tastes faintly of the wine, but he's surprised to find there's just the familiar taste of her, too. She's become familiar.

That's kind of an incredible thing.

"So you won't mind," he says. "Having to sneak around a teenage girl when you come over?"

"Well, it would certainly be a first for me but I don't mind," Lucy says with a shake of her head. "Besides, I have an apartment of my own if the need ever gets that pressing. But, I don't mind as long as she's comfortable with me being here every once in awhile. I won't take over but..."

Lucy smiles, shrugs. "It's really fine."

Lucy doesn't seem like the sort of woman to tell him something is fine when it isn't, so Hopper takes her at her word. Beverly likes Lucy, he's lucky in that regard, because they've already met and there's already a basis of a relationship there, even if they don't know each other well.

"I think she'll be okay with it," he says. If she's not, he's sure she'll tell him, too.

"If she even wants to come stay here," he adds a moment later. "Haven't even asked her yet."

"Ask her," Lucy encourages, reaching over to rub his shoulder and smiling. "I haven't talked to her about this because I didn't know but I know she does like you and she does admire you. She's going to say yes."

Who wouldn't want to be here with someone as caring and doting and good as Jim?

"Thanks," he says, leaning over to kiss her just as there's a knock at the door. "That'll be our dinner."

Hopper puts his wine glass on the coffee table, then gets to his feet, grabbing his wallet from his pocket as he heads for the door. Thanks doesn't sum up everything he's feeling right now, it's not enough gratitude, not as much as Lucy deserves, but he's not great at expressing himself. He hopes she still knows, but he thinks he should try to do better.

After paying for their dinner, Hopper closes the door and brings the bags in to the table, then nods for Lucy to come join him. "Can you grab the plates for me?"

"I can do that," Lucy says, pushing herself off the couch and wandering into the kitchen. She's been here a few times but she still opens the wrong cabinet at first and shakes her head before finding the plates and rejoining Jim.

"You're a step ahead of me here. I'm still using paper plates," she remarks. "I've always hated doing dishes so I just eat and then toss the plate. Much easier on me."

"So you're not the one I'm gonna get me to help teach Beverly about doing her chores," he says with a laugh. "Not that I've been doing a hell of a lot better."

He pauses in his preparations, opening the freezer so Lucy can see inside. It's well filled with frozen dinners, which is what he's been living on for a long time, since well before Darrow. Since Sara, really, since he'd stopped living with Diane.

"I wash a few forks, a few glasses here and there, but this might be the second time I'm using plates." The first had been grilled cheese for Beverly.

"I don't need to do chores because I don't do much in my apartment," she points out, settling the plates down and then taking her seat. "I did plenty of chores back home though, don't worry. If I need to wash a dish, I'll wash a dish. You don't have to worry."

He's not worrying though, she knows. She's teasing. "My specialty is vacuuming though. I'm very good with a Hoover."

"That so?" he asks as he brings the food over to the table, then grabs some utensils that he sets down beside the food containers. "It's probably a shitty thing to admit, but I never did much of the house work when I was married."

Part of that had just been that he hadn't had the time. He was at work all day or all night, depending on his shift, and when he'd come home, Diane had needed a break, so he'd always taken over with Sara. That left Diane doing most of the chores.

"Not because I didn't want to help," he says, sitting down. "But with work and Sara..." He trails off and shrugs, a little embarrassed.

"Hey, it's why I kept a sparse apartment back home too," Lucy tells him, shrugging. "I worked a lot and then there was taking care of my mother. It was just easier to pare down what I had so I wouldn't have to worry too much about my own mess."

And after her mother had come back and her sister had...been taken, she'd been so busy with the Lifeboat that there had just been so time to do anything to decorate her apartment. She'd subsisted on takeout food and whatever she could grab in other eras.

"As long as you weren't actively making a mess, I think you're fine."

"Yeah," he agrees as he opens some of the containers, passing them over to Lucy. "It's just... you look back sometimes. Think about the things you would've done different if you'd known how it was all going to play out."

But that's life. Short and not always that wonderful and full of regrets. He wishes he'd done more for Diane, more for Sara. He wishes he and Diane had tried to talk to each other more through Sara's hospitalization. Even before she died, they weren't really married anymore, just two people clinging to the little girl they'd made and hoping she'd keep them together.

"But who doesn't do that?" he asks.

"Sure, everyone has regrets," Lucy says, shrugging and taking a container so she can get herself some food, "and everyone wonders what would have happened if things had been done differently."

And she's actually gotten to see that happen. Some people just don't understand how much things can change if you alter one thing in your past.

"But, I don't really like to think too much on that," she admits. "Because what's done is done and changing history is going to change more than just that one thing."

Hopper figures Lucy knows that better than most and he sure as hell doesn't want to disrespect that knowledge, so he nods as he spoons some food onto his plate. He's not as good at letting things go as she is, as she's able to be, given what she's done and what she's seen, but he's not sure he'd wish for that ability either.

It's a double edged sword, he figures. Seeing what changing history can do. Knowing what can result from it.

"Yeah, you're right," he says. But he would do it anyway. For Sara. Maybe not for anyone else, but certainly for Sara, even if catching her cancer before it killed her meant ten thousand other people would die, he'd do it in a second. "It'd still be nice sometimes. To just know you'd done everything you could with the time you had."

"It would be nice but it won't ever happen," Lucy says, sighing. "Or maybe whenever you die and you get to where you're going, whoever's there will tell you but before that?"

Lucy sighs and shakes her head. "You do the best you can, Jim, and you are. You do the best you can with what you have and that's all you can do. For what it's worth, I think you're doing fine. Better than."

"You say that now, but just wait until Beverly's asking about periods and boys and birth control and I'm sending her to you," he answers with a grin over his plate. It's partly deflection, he doesn't have to agree he's doing the best he can, but he thinks it's kind of funny, too. He'll do his best, just like she's said, but there are just some things he's just not sure he's the best option for.

"Especially boys," he says. "I think I can handle the rest."

He'd prepared for some of it at least, he had read books and tried to figure out the best things to say, but if anyone ever breaks her heart, he won't know what to do.

"You send her to me and I'm going to send her to the library," Lucy jokes, shaking her head, "because that's the place she's going to learn the most biologically correct information."

The questions on boys, Jim could handle those. She had a crush on Lincoln, you didn't want her talking about boys or giving advice.

"The library or the hospital because there's a lot of good brochures there," she adds.

"What about boys?" he asks with a grin. "She's not going to find much in the library when it comes to that."

Maybe she won't need their help, though. Hopper has never actually asked Beverly about anything like that, has never really felt like it was his place, but if he's going to ask her to live with him, maybe it is his place now. Or it will be.

"I'm probably not the best one for advice there," he says. "I wasn't exactly a gentleman as a teenager. I wasn't the worst kid, but there were rules in the late fifties and early sixties. Bet I pissed off a lot of parents at some point."

"Oh no, I'm not giving advice on boys. That's your job, not mine," Lucy tells him, shaking her head and laughing. "I'll be no good on that either. I dated but not that much and I wouldn't know how dates go these days. I'm barely doing okay on my own."

She smirks at him and then shakes her head again. "I'm sure she'll learn plenty from her friends and I doubt, seriously doubt, that she'd come to you about that anyway. Most girls I know would go to their mother and in the absence of that, an older female friend. I think you're safe until she brings someone home."

"I don't know, I think you're doing pretty okay," Hopper answers, looking at Lucy from across the table. That's not to say he's some great catch, he knows there are problems with who he is and how he can be sometimes, but she's definitely a catch. And she's definitely done more than just impress him.

"I think most of her friends are boys," he continues thoughtfully. He hasn't met Eddie, but Beverly talks about him often enough. Not in a way that makes Hopper think she's got a crush on him, though. "Maybe they'd be better for advice than either of us. They know what kids're up to these days."

Because he sure as hell doesn't.

"She's probably going to go there anyway," Lucy says, nodding. "I don't know a lot about teenagers but they seem pretty protective of their secrets. If she needs to tell someone, she will. Until then..."

Lucy trails off and shrugs. "She seems like she has a good head on her shoulders. I don't think she's going to do something unnecessary or risky. She'd be the one to stop that."

Hopper nods, thinking of that gym teacher and how she had skipped class in order to avoid him. Ever since he'd gone into the school to have a talk with the man, he hasn't heard any complaints, but what he's really hoping for is that the man outright disappears from Darrow. It wouldn't be the first time it had happened.

Still, Beverly had told him about it. And that had been before they really knew each other all that well.

"She's a smart kid," he agrees. "And it's nice, she knows she can talk to me when she needs to."

"Just trust her," Lucy says, nodding. "My childhood was a little different than most but I can tell you that we want to be trusted when it comes to our parents. Be a parent, even if you're not her blood, but trust her."

She reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder and squeezes. "And threaten anyone that wants to do her wrong."

Hopper's mouth almost twitches into a smile, because Lucy can't possibly know how close to his own line of thinking she'd just come.

"I prefer to go the more subtle route," he says, knowing Lucy will hear the joking tone in his voice as soon as he starts to speak. "You know, for example, if there's a gym teacher who stands a little too close to some of the girls, I just go in and have a casual chat with him. Let him know I'm around."

Which is exactly what he'd done. But there had been a threat in his words. Just like Lucy has said.

"Elegant," Lucy says with a nod. "Very elegant. And probably less likely to get you in trouble so I approve."

Of course she does. "Hopefully it's not an issue here but if it is, I know you'll handle it with grace and suaveness and a quiet threat of pain."

"Once I'm back working as a cop, I'm even less likely to get in trouble," he says, almost with a wince. It's a shitty truth, but it's still the truth. Cops look out for each other and sometimes that works, but there are definitely instances in which they shouldn't be doing it.

And yet they always seem to.

"I don't think there'll be a problem anymore," he says. "I think I got my point across with my first visit."

"Just be careful here," Lucy says, frowning momentarily. "I have no doubt that you can take care of yourself but there's a lot of powerful people here. Be sure you know who you're about to say something to before you say it. I don't want someone calling me to tell me you're encased in ice or something and I need to come thaw you out."

"Are you sure you don't wanna come thaw me out?" he asks with a grin at her over the food, but he knows what she's saying. And he appreciates the concern. It's been awhile since anyone has really worried about him besides Joyce and he thinks that sort of thing might just be in her DNA.

"I'll be careful," he promises, his smile fading a little. And he will be. Most of the time. He's just not about to let anyone screw around with Beverly or Lucy for that matter. "You don't need to worry about me."

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