something_incredible | (no subject)

Entry tags:

lucy

(no subject)

The morning after his bender, Hopper had woken up on Lucy's couch pretty damn embarrassed, some of his memories blurred to the point where he might consider it a black out, but he remembered two specific things very clearly. Lucy had been a hell of a lot kinder to him than he deserved, and he had decided, in his stoned and drunken state, that asking her on a second date at that moment had been appropriate.

But for some reason she had agreed to go with him.

Since then, it's been a lot easier to keep himself from drinking. That's down to Beverly, though, and he knows maybe it's not real recovery if he's not drinking because of a kid he's sort of looking after, but it's better than nothing. Those pills he'd bought, he'd held onto them for a few days, but after the first night Beverly had needed to spend at his place he'd flushed them down the toilet.

What he wants is to get back home. But maybe Darrow has a few things going for it, too, and somehow he's got a kid who trusts him enough to come to him when things get weird at the Home and a woman who actually wants to see him again after she finds him in a pretty goddamn terrible state and he thinks he should probably try not to mess any of this up.

So they're going bowling. It's a little cheesy, but Hopper likes cheesy and he likes Lucy, and when he shows up at her place to pick her up, he's bound and determined to do this properly. He's come up short of getting flowers, figuring a woman like Lucy would probably appreciate something a little more thoughtful than that, so he's going to leave gifts for a little later in whatever this might turn into.

But he does go up to her apartment to pick her up instead of waiting around outside and when he knocks on her door, he finds he's both excited and nervous.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"No," he says with another laugh as he shakes his head. "No, it's not you, I was just thinking about what you said. About how we don't know how long we'll end up being here and have no control over that. It's just... you make a choice at some point, I figure. After being here for six months or a year, you end up making a choice and you settle and it makes me wonder if that's when people find themselves being taken away again."

He wants to go back. He wants to see Eleven again more than anything. But at the same time he can see himself making a life here. Bit by bit, it's crept up on him. There's Lucy and he knows this is only their second date, but he likes her, likes being around her. There's Beverly, someone who needs him in ways different than Eleven, but who needs him all the same.

He could find himself a place here. A life.

"Do you think you'll do that? Settle?" Lucy asks. She doesn't know if she's going to be able to fully settle down, accept that this is her life now, an that she needs to leave behind what she's done and face the future. She just doesn't think she can do that when there are so many loose ends, so many things floating in the air that she needs to fix.

"I don't know if I can," she admits, shaking her head and sighing. "This isn't my home. I know people who consider this where they want to be and that's completely fine but I just don't know if I can. Not fully. There would always be a part of me with my foot elsewhere and I don't know if there's anything out there that might change that. I just -- "

She rubs her forehead and brushes her hair back. "I don't know. I'm terrible at living an adult life."

"I don't know," he says. "I haven't been very good at settling since Sara died. Even in Hawkins."

And he'd grown up there. Hawkins is the place that's known him from the time he was born, the faces are familiar, the places are the same ones he'd gone to as a kid, as a teenager. If he could settle anywhere, it should have been there and he'd still felt lost. At odds.

"Nothing has really felt like home since then," he admits, then laughs softly. "Now who's bringing down the mood?"

"Well, I started it," Lucy says with a quiet laugh. "You were just following along, trying to keep up with the conversation. So really, it's still my fault. I'm the morbid, macabre one."

She wiggles her fingers at him and then sighs, shaking her head. Truthfully, she's actually a little glad that he is feeling similar to her. When she meets someone that's so comfortable here, so ready to accept their life and live it out, she feels both envious and confused. Envious that they can do that and confused on how they can just leave it all behind.

"But, it's good to know that I'm not the only one feeling that way," Lucy murmurs, nodding. "Makes me feel...not so strange."

"It seems weird," he agrees. "I mean, good for them, I'm glad they've found something here that they were looking for, but I can't just forget everything that's back there. Not that easily."

And maybe he's making assumptions, maybe it's not easy for anyone. Maybe they've been here for years and have struggled through this same thing they're talking about now, but Hopper just can't see it happening.

"I don't know how they do it," he says. "I just keep thinking about Jane."

"Yeah. I think about my sister. My mother," Lucy says, nodding. "I don't really think I'll be able to stop that anytime soon. Maybe there's a trick to it. Or maybe it's attached to a certain amount of time. Make it a year and you stop thinking heavily about home. Make it two and home just because a fuzzy memory."

Lucy certainly hopes that's not how it works. She doesn't want Amy, her mother, home, Rufus, and Wyatt to just become blurs in her head.

"Let's hope that what I said is a bunch of bull crap," she says with a nervous laugh. "Because if that happens, then I'm going to be upset and blame myself and never speak again. I will be a mute."

It's been five years since Sara died and she's still as sharp as ever. If he closes his eyes and concentrates, he can still hear her laughter, can smell that stupid pink bubble bath she loved so much, can feel her little hand on her cheek when she patted his beard and told him he was too scratchy and so he would shave it off just for her.

"I don't think that'll happen," he says. "So you got nothing to worry about there. I think we'll remember just fine. Maybe people just... get tired of waiting for something else."

"You're probably right. And I know there are some circumstances that make this place a better choice than where they came from."

She knows that some people have died, are dying, or will die if they stayed where they are. Getting to have more time, more life is a definite reason to be want to be here and Lucy absolutely doesn't want to take anything away from people in those situations. She knows they won't think any differently of her either.

"But, if I do end up going back tomorrow or in two years, I'm going to make sure I don't forget you either."

It's unexpected and because it's unexpected it makes Hopper smile suddenly, a rare genuine smile, and he looks down at his beer for a moment. He doesn't know how it works for people who end up leaving Darrow. He doesn't know what they remember, if this place comes with them, if they can take part of it home.

No one knows the rules of how it works. He hates that, but he can't do a hell of a lot about it.

"That's a nice thought," he says when he looks up again. "I sure as hell won't forget you either."

Lucy smiles at him, silent for a few moments before she dissolves into quiet laughter. "Look at that, we've somehow managed to turn the conversation around from the morbid to something pretty nice. At least, I think it's pretty nice."

They weren't talking about leaving, they weren't talking about death so they'd definitely recovered from the previous conversations about loss and homesickness and sadness.

"Probably more what a date should be," she quips, snickering. "Bowling and nice conversation."

"I expect you'd know better than I would what makes up a date," he answers with a smile. "Especially a good one. The last few I'd been on before this place..."

Well, they hadn't exactly been good, but that had been his fault and he knows it. There's so little he can give people a lot of the time, so little that he expects of himself or allows anyone else to ask of him. None of what he's done has been fair and he wants to be different, wants to be able to do something better for Lucy, but it's slow going. Figuring it all out takes time.

"It's probably my fault they weren't good," he says. "So you'll just have to tell me when I'm doing the wrong thing."

"I can't even begin to tell you the last time I went out on a date," Lucy remarks, shaking her head. "It's been a long, long time. I haven't even been on bad dates. I just haven't been anywhere period so I don't really know if I'm any kind of expert, honestly."

Sometimes, Lucy wonders what her dates with Noah had been like. They had to have been pretty decent considering they'd gotten engaged. But, she still has no memory. She still can't remember a damn thing about their relationship.

"So, I'm no expert. Neither are you, we can agree on that," Lucy decides. "But, so far, I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I'm having fun."

"So two non-expects making a pretty decent go of it, then," he says with a laugh and he can deal with that. It's been more than just decent in his opinion, he's having a really good time so far. He likes that they can talk about whatever is on their mind and even though their conversation has strayed into some more negative places, he appreciate that there's a level of comfort there.

It's not something he's experienced in awhile. He doesn't want to say that, though, he thinks that might be a little much to deal with on a second date.

"That's not bad," he teases. "Probably better than either of us disappointing an expect."

"I think we're doing okay," Lucy tells him, nodding. "We haven't tried to punch each other, no one's revealed the presence of a child or a spouse, and we're having fun so I think we are doing okay."

She winces inwardly at her words because she technically does have something to reveal and that's Noah. But, not on a date. She doesn't want to do that on a date because that's certain to do quite a number on the mood and require some explanation. And right now, she's just having too much to do that.

"I think as long as we finish this bowling game without killing each other, we can call this a successful night," she decides with a laugh.

"You're already aware of both my kids and the ex-wife," he says with a laugh. "In fact, I think I've told you a hell of a lot more than I've told a lot of people."

He's still got his secrets, things he has to keep to himself. He can't risk Eleven, even if he doubts very much Lucy would do anything to put her at risk. She's not even here, she's not in danger in Darrow, but he just can't do it. He can't reveal things about her that might hurt her down the line in any way.

Those men in those labs would do anything to get their hands on her.

"I promise that I'll keep it in confidence," Lucy tells him, crossing one finger over her heart. It's not her place and, even if she were the type of person to blab everyone's information, she doesn't think many people in this city would care. They all have their stories and their secrets.

"And you know about the eccentricities in my own life," Lucy jokes, snickering. "Not all of them because I want to retain an aura of mystery but a lot of them. So, we're definitely on the right track and doing well for two novices."

"I think I kinda like the idea that we're both mysterious," he says with a laugh. People who'd known him in high school would never say he was anything even close to mysterious. Joyce would probably laugh her ass off to think of anyone as calling him mysterious. That's just not the sort of man he is.

But then, once he'd come back to Hawkins, he'd kept to himself. Kept his secrets. It had just been better that way.

"I mean, you're a hell of a lot more mysterious than I am," he says. "The mystery of why a smart and beautiful woman is on a date with the guy she dragged home to sleep off his high on her couch."

"Are you fishing for compliments about yourself?" Lucy asks, her tone making it clear that she's teasing. She'd be more than willing to give him the compliments he wants because she thinks there are plenty of them. It's probably just hard for him to see himself in that way.

"I think you want me to tell you that you're handsome and strong and rugged and interesting," Lucy says, ticking the points off on her fingers. "Do you want me to keep going? I'm sure I could think of a few others. Others consisting of being funny and sharing nachos and those sorts of things."

"I'll give you that last one," he says. "I am good at sharing my nachos with a deserving few."

He hadn't really been fishing for compliments, Hopper likes to think he's too old for something like that, but at the same time it's still nice to hear. Lucy deserves a better man than he is, there's no shame in admitting that, but she's on a date with him anyway. Somehow he got lucky. And it's nice to hear she thinks he's handsome and interesting.

"So keep it up with the nachos, that's what I'm hearing, right?" he asks.

"If you know what's good for you," Lucy quips before smiling. She picks up one of the nachos for good measure and pops it into her mouth. Once she's chewed and swallowed, she dusts her hands off and says, "Ready to finish the game?"

They're almost halfway through and, win or lose, Lucy does at least want to finish to give him bragging rights or herself (probably him). Either or, she's been having fun and she doesn't want that to stop.

"Yeah, if I'm gonna lose, I better get it over with," he says with a laugh, looking up at the scoreboard. He's ahead for now, but that doesn't necessarily mean it will last.

"I think it's your turn. Now that you're full of nachos and beer you're probably going to leave me in the dust." She's younger than he is, nachos and beer are the sorts of things that just slow him down, but they're probably not going to do the same for her.

He's still not entirely sure she's here with him. She's younger, far too beautiful, far too intelligent, and he just hopes he's not about to screw any of this up.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only